Take a quick look at world news and you’ll quickly realize that we’re in a bit of a jam; the world is dealing with a big bag of hard problems including war, immigration, terrorism, economic uncertainties, and much more.
But hey, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel; if we could just unite the following 10 leaders in a unified smoke session, we’re sure the world would be a far better place by tomorrow.
1. RODRIGO DUTERTE, PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES
Rodrigo “Rody” Duterte is the current president of the Philippines and a downright badass. Dealing with an ISIS insurgency in Mindanao, a southern region in the Philippines, Rody has recently threatened to enforce martial law in the region and eat the livers of ISIS militants.
Rody has also made headlines after bashing the US and calling former president Barack Obama a “son of a whore,” and referring to the former US ambassador as a “gay son of a bitch.”
And, just to top things off, Rody has declared a hardcore war on drugs, pledging to rid the Philippines of every drug dealer and user by killing them and feeding their bodies to the fish in Manila Bay. And he isn’t joking. Rody’s War on Drugs reportedly lead to over 2,500 extrajudicial killings of users and dealers by police and 3,600 by vigilantes.
Despite his short temper, the 72 year-old leader enjoys widespread support, with voters quick to tell you that their country is in dire need of a leader with an “iron fist.” We, however, believe he needs to chill out, kick back, and light up a fat one to ease that crazy temper.
2. DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
This guy needs little introduction. After deciding to run for office in 2015, President Trump has enjoyed a long, long line of media coverage for countless ridiculous stunts.
From calling Obama’s birth certificate a fraud to his infamous “grab them by the p****”” quote, it’s not hard to dig up dirt on good ol’ Donald. He even admitted he’d date his own daughter, Ivanka, because she’s “a piece of ass.”
Our solution for Trump? Chill out and toke up. Maybe he’ll start to think twice before opening that big mouth.
3. KIM JONG-UN, SUPREME LEADER OF NORTH KOREA
Kim Jong-un is the leader of North Korea, and is renowned for testing nuclear weapons, purging and executing his uncle (who apparently was planning a coup against him), and many more badass things.
Little is known about Kim Jong-un’s history, as most of his activities and those of his government are purposefully kept very secretive. He has recently received a lot of attention for his growing hostility towards the US and other world leaders, and some fear he may become a catalyst for the next world war.
Kim, we know you’re reading this. Please do us a favour and smoke one. Or two.
4. ROBERT MUGABE, PRESIDENT OF ZIMBABWE
Robert Mugabe has been the head of Zimbabwe for 30 years. He got into power in 1987 and has since been renowned for his own brand of ideologies, neatly summarized as “mugabeism.” And, despite his age (93 years old), he shows no sign of giving up his presidency.
He first made his name in the 1970s during a guerrilla war where he earned a reputation as a revolutionary fighting a white minority rule of his country. Today, he is renowned for his hard nationalism, and releasing his own militia to keep him in power after multiple electoral defeats.
In summary? Another great candidate for a global leader smoke session. Hopefully the weed can help burn some sense into this guy.
5. BASHAR AL-ASSAD, PRESIDENT OF SYRIA
Inheriting power of Syria in 2000, Assad and his regime has received constant attention from the world media. His political party, the Arab Socialist Baath party, started out as a pan-arab secularist party opposed to western imperialism.
He was officially elected after winning 97% of the vote and seemed like a promising, modern leader. However, he is criticised for quickly making a turn and introducing more authoritarian and orthodox policies shortly after gaining power.
His regime receives criticism for clearly breaking human rights, imprisoning political activists, censoring websites and information, and much more. Today, the Assad regime is dealing a hard blow to anti-government protesters calling for a revolution, and is oftentimes criticized for being nothing short of a dictatorship. We don’t know about you, but this guy looks like he needs to put his feet up and spark up a fattie. We’re afraid one fattie is not enough though.
6. VLADIMIR PUTIN, PRESIDENT OF RUSSIA
Putin is an iconic political figure and leader, considered one of the most powerful leaders in the world today. Although Russia took a hard blow after the fall of the Soviet Union, Putin has gone on to flex his country’s muscles across all parts of the globe.
He worked in Russian intelligence before turning to politics, and grew up in a tough district housing block which, according to him, taught him one powerful lesson:
“”Fifty years ago the Leningrad street taught me a rule: if a fight is inevitable you have to throw the first punch,” he said in October 2015.
Here’s one more lesson for you, Putin: Chill out and spark up, man.
7. MAHMOUD ABBAS, PALESTINE PRESIDENT, AND BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, PRIME MINISTER OF ISRAEL
The conflict between Israel and Palestine has been going on since the mid 20th century, wreaking havoc on millions of people and tearing the 2 countries apart with a constant failure to reach a lasting peace agreement.
So, what better way to fix this than with a good ol’ smoke session? While we understand that the Israel-Palestine conflict is a complex matter, we’re positive that a few tokes of some good green will help these two leaders settle their differences and ultimately do what’s best for both their people.
8. KHALIFA BIN ZAYED AL NAHYAN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
Al Nahyan is renowned for being one of the world’s richest monarchs, inheriting rule of Abu Dhabi and owning over 97.8 billion barrels of proven oil reserves. His family is believed to be worth over $150 billion. He has spent $2 million buying up more than 66 acres of land on the Seychelles’ main island of Mahé to build his own palace, and is proud owner of the Azzam, the longest motor yacht ever built, which cost him a cruisy $400-$600 million.
On the other hand, human rights are a bit less important. Death by beheading is not uncommon. And we don’t like beheadings.
We believe the only thing he needs to realize it is a big fat torpedo that’ll open his mind a little.
9. RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN, PRESIDENT OF TURKEY
In power since 2002, Recep Tayyip Erdogan is known for bringing Islamic-centred politics back to Turkey. While his supporters will say he has been a major factor in bringing Turkey back into prosperity, others question his agenda and suggest his rule is part of a bigger plan to turn the country into a religious state.
Lately he gained a lot of negative attention in Europe for swearing at and insulting political leaders of the European Union. Also, his bodyguards ended up in a big fight in front of the Turkish embassy on US soil with people who protested against his policy. It seemed the bodyguards had permission from the boss himself to end the demonstration in the way they thought was right. With aggression.
This guy is without a doubt in need of a big, fat doobie.
10 ANGELA MERKEL, CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY
Let’s be honest; Merkel has it tough. As the leader of Germany (which, consequently, many consider to be the leader of Europe), she’s dealing with the Russians on her tail and 1 million refugees on her door.
Besides that she’s also had to steer her nation through a pounding recession and do her part against ISIS. So, what better way to deal with all that stress than with a big fat joint?
Plus, and here’s our real reason: Germany is in many ways ‘a sort of’ the leader of Europe. If they legalize… Ah well, something about that one sheep leaps over the ditch, and all the rest will follow.
Come on Angela, toke up and legalize!